i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
