Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
