Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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