Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
