it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize