I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
