After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
