you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
