I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
