The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
