I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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