Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
