so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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