I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
