someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
