I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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