Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
