am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize