I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
