i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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