he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize