didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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