After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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