At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
