how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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