Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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