I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I cut my penus on the lid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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