I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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