I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
