so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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