I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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