My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
