38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize