Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
