can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize