It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
