Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Boobs speak an international language.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
