Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
