im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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