Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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