I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
