where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
