Swine flu. Run for my life!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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