And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
