Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize