did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is the high leading the old right now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
