maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
