spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
