The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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