we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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