She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
