He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
