Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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