U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
