I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
