A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I will be naked everywhere
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
