the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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