Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
