Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
