One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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