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He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
