Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
