I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
