dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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