love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
