I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
