Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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